Wednesday, November 2, 2011

I'm Not Just Another Pretty Face

This is it. I'm doing it. I'm committing to move beyond musing and put all the craziness in my head out for the rest of the world to mock me, er, be inspired. As a disclaimer, I'm including my "About Me" in this post. I just want you to be doubly warned before jumping feet first into this blog. With that said, I hope you return and fill your cup of laughter and tears. Pour a cup 'o joe, get comfy, and join me in my roller coaster life. I promise to be as candid as possible without boring you with all my proud-mommy-moments.

I should also warn you, following the "About Me" excerpt, is my rant against men using the "You're too pretty a girl to be doing that." Yeah, pisses me off, too.

In those rare moments of quietness & tranquility...Pfft!! WTH am I talking about?! I'm a single mom to two kids, one of which is a tweener. There is no such thing as quiet & tranquil in our house. We're loud, obnoxious, snuggly, and pretty damn funny! I refuse to wear mom jeans (even if it does mean I'd have the advantage of embarrassing my offspring).

I’m one of those wickedly evil moms who gets a kick out of scaring the sh*t out of my kids just to see the look of fear as they scream. Yeah, yeah I know, they’ll get me back 10 fold when I need a nursing home. But OH the laughs I will have in the meantime.

WARNING: This blog might offend you at times. However, I promise to make you laugh every now and then with my own embarrassing, tragic, and triumphant experiences as a single mom.

DISCLAIMER: I have a lot to say about parenting, dating, life, and stupid people and although what I say may look like advice, sound like advice, or feel like advice…trust me it’s not. If you heed my twisted two cents worth of nothingness, do so at your own risk.

ABOUT ME: I heart bacon. I hate stupidity. I love when you talk nerdy to me. If ever I found myself in a zombie attack I would surely die.


So for the past week, I've been going back and forth what my first post should be on. It hit me like a bowling ball in my peaches (my 7 year old daughters version of girl balls) today at lunch. I swung by Taco Bell (don't judge) and tried their fire roasted salsa for the first time. <BTW...totally delish!! I ate a whole package, before it made its way to my taco. Yeah, that's right..I slurped it out like it was the last morsel of food I'd ever put in my mouth again!! And was sooooo tasty!!> I digress. As I was opening a second packet to slurp down, I noticed the caption on the package, "I'm not just another pretty face." Just like that I was reminiscing a conversation I had with a 173 year old man a couple of weeks ago. In 30 minutes he said I had "too pretty a face" at least 6 times. Really? That's all you see? I'm surprised you made it past my chest to see my pretty face you old fart!!

Before I left the meeting, he asked me why I was inquiring about our topic of conversation. When I explained, he just shook his head and said, "You don't belong there. You're too pretty a girl for that." WTF?!?! Are you freakin' kidding me? Did you not pay attention to any of our conversation? I'm sooooo much more than a pretty face!!

I don't know about you, but flattery has never really worked on me; I'm not a one-liner-kinda-girl. Guys have to work a little harder than giving me a BS line about how pretty I am. Ok, so admittedly, maybe it's because I'm so distrusting of people (I've been in therapy to work on that). But still!! Don't tell me I'm not qualified for something because I have a pretty face. I got a bit of revenge when I didn't show up for our next meeting. It's my lame way to stick it to the man. :-)

Girls, it's about time you stick up for yourself. Be more than just a pretty face. As Maya Angelou once said, "Life's a bitch. Go out, grab the world by the lapels and kick ass."

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