Have you ever had one of those moments with your child that you know once they realize what’s going on, nothing you do can “un-do” what they’ve seen or heard?
Welcome. To. My. World.
DISCLAIMER: If you are not a woman, if you do not have kids, if you have a weak stomach, or if you’re just plain ol’ judgmental, stop reading now. If you continue reading, don’t say I didn’t warn you!!
Since I was an infant, I have been prone to yeast infections, mostly in my mouth (commonly known as thrush). In a combination of events that have occurred in the last six weeks (judging the Jr. Baking Contest and eating 1.5 tons of sugar and being on two rounds of anti-biotics) I now have the WORST yeast infection of my life. AND!! To make matters worse, my Dr. won’t prescribe me the needed meds to combat it. Says she “doesn’t believe in it because it causes damage to your liver.” Well, lady, not giving me the necessary meds is causing damage to my bits & pieces!!! I’m MUCH more concerned about my cookie than my liver at the moment!
Stopping by the store was on my to-do list all day, but I was swamped at work all day and didn’t have time to swing by the store. The only free time I had was right before a work-related dinner. I should mention, by this point, my kitty is NOT liking me…I waited waaaay too long to take care of b’ness. So on the way to the dinner, I swung by the store to pick up a few “items.” Oh! Did I mention I had my SON with me?? Yeah, not good planning on my behalf. As I’m strolling through the isles, I’m debating on coming back to buy everything after I’ve put him to bed. But there was no waiting. I had to get things in check ASAP!
In my vain effort to distract him while I try to decipher the difference between seven-day triple action packs, vaginal suppositories, creams vs. ovules (who knew there were so many options to take care of my hoohah), I realize that I’m on the verge of traumatizing my son….FOR LIFE.
I casually mention to him that I need some Vick’s Mentholatum.
“Menthtolatum. It should be a couple of isles down.”
One minute later he returns. “I couldn’t find it.”
<”Oh dear god!!! Are you freakin’ kidding me!! One look in this direction and he’s gonna totally see what I’m looking at!!”>
"Son, did you look by the cold medicine? Why don’t you try again. Look on the bottom shelf, it might be there.”
Another minute passes. “Not there, either.”
<”Lord have mercy…on my hoohah!!”>
“Ok, well, let’s go look together. I’m sure we can find it.”
In blind haste I grab the closest box within reach, not even knowing WTH I’m buying.
“What is that, mom?”
“Uh. This? Nothing. Just some cream.”
“Mind your business, boy! We’re looking for mentholatum, remember?”
Here’s the thing. Anyone who knows me, knows I don’t censor as much as other parents do when it comes to my kids. I want to keep the communication lines open with my kids and be the one to teach them “the ways of the world” rather than have their friends teach them. I also don’t want my kids to too embarrassed to talk to me about whatever they have learned on the playground.
There are lines that are not meant to be crossed by an 11 yr old boy and his mom.. Seeing your mom buy monistat 7 is definitely one of those thick boundaries that should not be breached. It’s one of those things that just “can’t be unseen.”